Between weight gain, job loss, death, marriage and motherhood I lost my sense of style.
I knew so positively who I was (or wasn’t) when I was younger, or at the very least what to wear to feel like “me” at my best. It wasn’t the trendiest, most expensive or even most flattering looking back on it now, but holy hell if my confidence didn’t supersede any of that.
I proudly pranced around in party dresses and fur trimmed jackets during all seasons for all occasions. I didn’t discriminate on the atmosphere or consider “appropriate” when layering on glitter, a giant cat eye and heels that made me tower well over 5’11”.
You couldn’t bulldoze my confidence or sense of self. I was unapologetically me.
Then I gained upwards of 50 pounds, lost my job at Betsey Johnson, my younger brother and best friend (Ryan) passed away. I met and married the love of my life (Shelby) and gave birth to our daughter (Pistol-Peach) all in this “basic bitch” version of myself.
I felt like the people around me didn’t even know who I was because they’d never seen me with a larger than life aesthetic.
I’d been baffled fashion wise for years at this point. Should I be dressing like a mom now? Can I still be edgy? Will I look overworked and like I’m trying too hard if I wear heels? Is pink lipstick relevant?
What do I wear now? Part of me felt insecure because I actually didn’t want to wear any of the things I had identified with before. Previously coveted 6″ platform heels weren’t desirable to me anymore. The other part felt excited to craft a new style.
I was confused. Stuck somewhere between my wild carefree 20’s and my practical fulfilling 30’s. How could I trust my identity if I didn’t even recognize anything in my own closet? All of my clothes left me feeling genuinely uninspired.
So I read some self help stuff, detoxed, journaled, meditated, watched some motivational videos, pinned meme’s that made me happy and pulled my shit together.
I came to the conclusion that making shit makes me, me. Specifically clothes. Clothes that I crave to wear (and think maybe other people do too). Clothes that put me in a head space to accomplish ALL OF IT.
I love curating my image around my day. Thinking of my fav Russh Magazine photo shoots and listening to music to match while applying makeup. When I go grocery shopping I’m just as brilliant and assured as the girl from the pages. I’m going through my day with a carefree, confident and contagious attitude that starts in my (handmade) undies and ends at the tip of my cat eye. Honestly, sometimes when I find that “outfit” I’ll wear the shit out of it for a week, feeling just as good the next day as I did each day before. Sometimes this is just the perfect jeans and t-shirt!
It makes me a better mother, creator, wife and person when I put on clothes that make me feel good. I mean really fucking good. Things I’m not tugging down, hiking up or second guessing.
It’s a new stage and I accept and recognize change is hard but I’m finally crafting my style to fit my current life without losing myself/identity. I think everyone should dress this way. It’s so fulfilling.
During this process you’ll find inspiration leads to confidence that leads to experimenting and nailing down your own aesthetic.
Do stuff that makes you happy.
Wear things that make you feel good.
Be unapologetically you.